Reader, I must apologise for the intolerably wholesome nature of RPS of late. My last couple of reviews were of a laidback farming sim and a showcase of nostalgic hardware. Glancing down the news feed, I note with outrage that Oisin has recently been writing about Very Good Doggos (being thrown into pits), while Mark has been spilling ink over that least offensive of politicians, Keir Starmer. Time to consign Starmer, the doggos, and those fetching Macintosh-me-dos to the waste bin along with my lingering fondness for Dreamcast-era platformers. Let’s cleanse our palates of sugar with a post about stinking murderous zealots. For you see, there is now a demo available for Band Of Crusaders, the new tactics RPG from Polish developers Virtual Alchemy and publishers NCSoft.
These aren’t the crusaders your great-great-etc grandparents hopefully neither joined nor had to run away from back in the 12th century. They live in a very Witchery France that is being consumed from within by many-armed abominations, towering arch-demons, sigil-ridden cultists and… bandits.
I did get a chuckle out of this image‘s casual equivocation of the likes of Beelzebub with ordinary human thieves. We all remember that line from Revelations, right? “And I saw a beast coming out of the sea. It had ten horns and seven heads, with ten crowns on its horns, and on each head a blasphemous name. Also there were some guys in hoods who stole my favourite cow. The crowned beast I can live with tbh, but I’m in the cheesemaking trade and I really needed that cow.”
Anyway, it plays a bit like Battle Brothers. You stroll around a real-time overworld in tabletop figurine form, steadily consuming resources and periodically entering your campsite to re-equip your hairy devil-dingers, level them up, and send them off to the infirmary as needed. There are quests with fairly extravagant historical fantasy writing. These take you between cities with trading facilities and a range of smaller locations, such as monasteries. While sallying forth to the latter, you will likely encounter another, opposing figurine, plunging you into a separately loading smaller real-time battlefield, where men in metal hats bellow and belabour each other with clubs and greatswords. Or sickles and pitchforks if that’s all you can afford.
Thing I like: the impression of a world steadily succumbing to a demon blight. Cities have cult activity bars; I imagine you’ll have a hard time buying more grain and furnace parts if the major hubs are totally overrun. It reminds me a bit of Kingdoms mode in Darkest Dungeon 2, with your party striving to prop up farflung settlements. Thing I’m indifferent on: the real-time combat seems fine, with much seemingly depending on choice of weapon: a sword won’t bust up plate armour like a hammer. The weapon categories accompany a pinwheel of unlockables that skew towards roles such as tanking, DPS, etcetera. It’s sturdy enough, but nothing mindblowing.
Things I dislike: the repetitive combat barks and the fact that all the French-accented English voice staff sound like hastily recruited exchange students. Also, I don’t get the sense that this is particularly mindful of the mayhem associated with real-life Crusades; based on 30 minutes, anyway, it seems pretty free and lemon-squeezy with the “deus vult” stuff that has proven popular among the latter-day alt-righteous. The choice of otherworldly opponents can naturally be read as dodging the association with religious pogroms and persecution.
This is unfortunate, because I could really go for a horror tactics game that investigates the ugliness of the crusader worldview, and/or leans into the garishness a la Red Hook’s work. Perhaps that’s where the full version of Band Of Crusaders will take us? It’s not impossible. I’m not sure all of my Brothers in Fiend-Bashing are the saintly sort. My hooded advisor gives off a certain brimstone vibe. I don’t like the way he looks at my cows. Read more on Steam.
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